Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The Top 7.5 Games of the 00's

The gaming world went through a lot of changes this decade, the Dreamcast died, 9/11, there was a Commander Keen game on Game Boy Color, several new Pokémon were created, and now we live in a high-tech wonderland of motion controls and high definition Dr. Mario. Perhaps the biggest change was the sheer torrent of cool games that started to come out.

Unlike previous decades, games became easier to make, as expensive as Hollywood movies, and finally became the art form that they were destined to be. It rates our highest average gaming decade score at 7.5 which just edged out the 80s with a 7.3 (adjusted for the new system).

Now as we put a bow on the Naughties and blast forward into the 10's let's put our cards on the table and get down to brass tacks. No more fucking around. It's time once and for all to name the OFFICIAL best six electronic TV games from the past decade plus one game so good it's a game and a half.

7. Sinistra (Xbox, Playstation 2, PC)

Taking full advantage of the anger against the Bush administration, Sinistra became one of the greatest political thrillers of the decade and fomented the movement which eventually helped to elect Dennis Kucinich president. With it's meta-memory dialogue system now a videogame staple and the game itself made into an HBO miniseries it's easy to forget that Namco was targeted by the FBI after the game's release. Fortunately, fans took it upon themselves to create new updates and patches to the PC version after the game was initially banned, creating a thriving sub-community that still exists to this day, even after the re-release. Sinistra is more than an important game, it's was quite literally a "game changer".

6. Peabo Penguin's Radical Snowboard Adventure (Wonderswan)

Whether he's catching some air or working on his tan, Peabo Penguin is one "cool" customer. 2004 was the year that the world fell in love in Peabo and his Antarctic Amigos. And from the playground to the office, it seemed like everyone was talking about new ways to collect sweet, sweet Peabo Points. From the original soundtrack by Morrissey to the stylish snowboards (also designed by Morrissey), Peabo was a smash hit and changed the way that we think about optical illusions in gaming. It garnered our highest score ever of 8.8, so you know we're always down for a little Wintery Action.

5. Smallville: Total Justice (Wii)

Best superhero game of the decade or best superhero game of all time? Playing as Smallville's version of the Justice League (Clark Kent, Green Arrow, Impulse, Aquaman, and Cyborg) you travel from city to city shutting down Lex Luthor's evil 33.1 facilities. Presented in a lavish 2d style, the game is as if one of the classic beat 'em ups of the 90s rocketed into the 21st century. Featuring a surprising amount of swearing and frank language about sex, the rated M game left it's WB roots behind...to horrible sales. The strange brew made the game into a cult hipster hit, though and became a staple at college parties. The game even spawned the "I'VE GOT YOU NOW COCKSUCKER!" internet meme and is even occasionally still referenced on the show itself. It may the last 2D game ever made, but at least they went out with a bang.

4. Yu-Gi-Oh! 7 Trials to Glory: World Championship Tournament 2005 (Game Boy Advance)

Sometimes you have to step back and just say to yourself that a game is more than a never ending conveyor belt of pride and struggle. Sometimes there is a singular artistic creation that makes you believe that the universe isn't random but there has to be some force, some energy out there that has to be engineering what you are experiencing into existence. To call Yu-Gi-Oh! 7 Trials to Glory: World Championship Tournament 2005 a mere digital card game would be to call the luxuriant imagery of Fellini's 8½ a funny cat video. A subtle and bittersweet ode to a lost time, Yu-Gi-Oh! 7 Trials to Glory: World Championship Tournament 2005 is a positively transformative and unforgettable experience that would melt the heart of even the coldest of men. Yu-Gi-Oh! 7 Trials to Glory: World Championship Tournament 2005 swept the Spike VGAs and has spawned a generation of imitators. This is it, the once in a lifetime experience, the Halley's Comet moment in which you will be able to tell your grandchildren that I Was There for Yu-Gi-Oh! 7 Trials to Glory: World Championship Tournament 2005.

3. Yu Suzuki's Fuck It (Dreamcast, Dreamcast 2)

Probably the purest expression of frustration in video game form, Fuck It is a minimalist single player kart racer in which you play Girl, who bares a suspicious resemblance to Jetta Maxx from Eternal Champions. Your goal in the game is to get the end of what seems to be a never ending stream of graphics, Japanese dialogue, and code from what appears to be the remains of Shenmue Online. The game is randomly generated, easy to die in, and would literally take a month to complete from beginning to end. Did we mention that there are no saves? Fuck It was an online exclusive, likely due to it's name and the obscene gesture on the cover. Recent developments have allowed the game to be taken apart and you can watch the ending online...you just might want to have a barf bag at the ready.

2. French Fry Twins (XBLA, PSN)

Six years in the making, French Fry Twins was an RPG Tour de Force and a bright star of the burgeoning Caribbean game design scene. A traditional turn based roguelike based on the vintage Atari game Pressure Cooker, FFT might have just been a mild success. However, it's addictive gameplay combined with the over the top personality of it's rockstar designer Madeline Cameron rocketed it to the top of the charts. Cameron, who is somewhere between Pee-Wee Herman and Andre 3000, is known for her salty language and saltier accessories, all made of real french fries, just like her game's graphics. And, of course, pouring ketchup on Shigeru Miyamoto and taking a bite out of his hair at E3 2008 garnered her a police record, over 6 million YouTube hits, and international headlines. What's next for "Mad Madeline"? She recently bought a controlling ownership in the Miami Dolphins and said that she has "some exciting ideas for the uniforms". Yikes!

1.5 Battletoads vs. Awesome Possum (Nintendo 64)

Despite coming out in 2000, this fighter easily takes the top spot for game of the decade. Total joy in a 256-megabit cartridge, BVAP almost wasn't made. Before the collapse of Tengen, it's CEO Rajni Oscar Tengen became depressed and after much reflection decided to go to Europe to "find himself". While half-drunk one night in a Nottinghamshire pub, he met Rare's Chris Stamper who challenged him to a series of increasingly wild and dangerous wagers. Eventually, several 100 pounds poorer, Rajni decided to bet the IP to Awesome Possum, preying on Chris's pure and untainted love of talking animals. Rajni lost the bet (and his right pinky) and the property went to Rare.

A few years later, while watching his brother and Rare co-founder Tim Stamper become addicted to Marvel vs. Capcom, Chris decided to take the opportunity to put his own spin on the concept of a clash between two worlds, this time the radical Battletoads universe against the cornucopia of critters from Awesome Possum. From this humble idea sprang the game of year and a game that is still an unparalleled fighting game experience.

Thanks to the pub owner who wouldn't cut Rajni off for helping spark the next level of interactive entertainment.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Interview: Miley Cyrus Star of Hannah Montana: The Movie Game

I meet Miley Cyrus in the kitchen of Chattanooga's Mayor's Mansion Inn, both of us eyeing a spread of home cooked Rotisserie chicken and potato salad on the final day of a harrowing month-long press junket for her new film Hannah Montana: The Movie.  Her first interview of the day following a late night post-screening Q&A session at The University of Tennessee, I confided in Cyrus that I had not seen her television show, movie, or played her video game.  She asks if I found any form of satisfaction in my job and hands me a first edition copy of John Stuart Mill's Utilitarianism.  She says it changed her life.

Reports of Cyrus' wildchild attitude been greatly exaggerated.  They've become the story, I suspect, in lieu of any real attempt to engage with her works on a genuine level.  Lanky, hazel-eyed, and with the demeanor of a greasy spoon waitress who's known you for years, Cyrus gives the impression, first and foremost, of having a genuine, penetrating curiosity.  She has a church-bred politeness and Southern charm without a trace of contempt or self-righteousness.  She seems to see the world through an artist's eyes, able to experience a poetry and wonder in even the most mundane parts of her day to day life.  I wouldn't have though so if you'd asked me a month ago, but there may be no more vital an American voice in the game industry at this moment.

Radio Free Videoland: What was your first gaming experience?
Miley Cyrus: When I was five or six, my dad was completely addicted to Madden on PlayStation.  I was a pretty aggressive kid and sometimes I would grab the controller and just make the players run around in circles.  There was something magical about me being in control of what was on the screen and, you know, despite seeing my dad on it, on an intellectual level, TV seemed liked this holy thing where fantastic images got beamed into the family room from the gods.  In hindsight, wanting control over that image probably helped spark my desire for fame.

Was it weird for you to be a gamer, as a girl?
That's kind of a weird thing to ask.  I'm not trying to be mean, but maybe you're a little old (laughs).  This makes me sound like a girly girl I guess, but I always played online flash games and The Sims and Pokémon and cell phone games and stuff.  I mean, within the last few years I've played more of what you would probably call "hardcore" games: Saints Row, Call of Duty, Soul Calibur...but no matter how supposedly hardcore the stuff I play is, I don't think I would ever define myself as a "gamer".  Don't you think it's kind of sad to define yourself by the entertainment products you consume?

To a degree, isn't that what your audience does?
Those are children.  I mean, by the time you're in high school, shouldn't you have developed a personality outside of "I like Products X, Y, and Z"?  I understand the sad fact that society is becoming more and more isolated.  There is less and less of a reason to talk to another human being every day.  And that in turn, leads to our only common touchstones being pop culture, which I am obviously a big part of.  That's why I try to spread as positive a message I can through my work.  It is kind of hard for me to reconcile sometimes.  I mean, I have a series of "lifestyle products" with my face on them.  But in the 21st century what else is there for kids?  Parents are too afraid to let them explore on their own and every personality quirk is an opportunity for medication and...I'm going off on a tangent--I sound like a fucking Adbusters--I just wish we as a society did a better job of making people into people.  You must think I'm so new.

Why did you decide to take a more prominent role in the design of this specific game?  This isn't the first one with the Hannah Montana name.
So I went on tour in Japan and after a concert I met with these two kids backstage.  They noticed the game that I had on pause on the in-room online service: Kabuki Quantum Fighter.  The Japanese version is pretty much the same except the main dude is a 15 year old named Bobby Yano instead of a 25 year old named Scott O'Connor.  You know what else is kind of weird?  The American character looks a lot more anime-like for some reason.  Anyway, it turns out that these kids dad is Hiroyuki Itoh--they guy who designed the game back in the late 80s.  He's retired since then.  So the kids are all excited and they bring Itoh-San in the room and he's kind of embarrassed at first but we ended up having a nice long talk about how he developed the game and it led into a conversation about game design and I think we just about wore the translator out (laughs).

So talking with Itoh led you to want to take a more active role in the design of Hannah Montana: The Movie Game?
Definitely.  You know, I don't want to be disrespectful, but Kabuki Quantum Fighter is honestly a pretty mediocre Ninja Gaiden clone.  Great music and concept, but it ain't exactly about to set the world on fire.  I only took a look at it in the first place a couple years ago because I was scrolling through a list of roms and the name stuck out.  Also don't pirate my game for like fifteen years, kids (laughs).  Anyhoo, it's basically digital comfort food for me and I wanted at least that for my games, you know.  They didn't have to redefine the industry or some nonsense like that just to rise above the pitiful standard of quality they'd had before and to be something that a kid enjoys for more reasons than because I'm so wonderfully great.  I didn't want it to be something that this kid in the year 2020 looks back on and says why did I ever play this horseshit? 

How hard was it to convince Disney to let you be a "real" producer on the game?
Not too tricky.  I do have a little bit of pull, there (laughs).  It wasn't too bad.  Honestly, they don't really treat their game division with the same attention to detail that they do television or concerts.  It's mostly shovelware.  What was kind of hard, was to win over the dudes who actually worked on the thing.  I mean, they're just as cute as a button, but they are kind of shy around girls to begin with, and then compound that with the idea that corporate sent some teen beat ditz to tell them how to do their job.  But after I did a little bit of geeky adventure game namedropping and showed them the first draft of my design doc, they warmed up a little bit.  A lot of the guys used to have more creative aspirations and they either got scooped up at IGF or signed on because they had families or needed the health insurance or a steady 9-5.  So I think in the end, they were happy that the suits let me be pseudo-in-charge because the concepts we were working with were much more--rewarding to build than That's So Raven Fetch Quest 7 or whatever.  I love you Raven, but your games are busted.  Write that down.

What were some specific improvements that you helped bring to the table?
Well, in Hannah Montana: The Movie available now for all lead SKUs you really can go home again.  In this installment of the highly successful Hannah Montana video game franchise, we promise fans a memorable mix of songs and new adventures with several of your favorite characters for some "down home fun".  In addition the game Hannah Montana Star Moves will bring the franchises adventures to all major wireless characters (laughs).

Did you play any other adventure games to get ideas for this one?
Well, Hannah Montana: The Movie taps into the familiar elements that have made the Hannah Montana franchise such a success - multi-faceted characters, hit music and popular fashion.    Please delete all interview content from before the seven minute mark.  Not to mention the fact that fans play as Miley Stewart or her superstar alter ego Hannah Montana as she returns to her hometown of Crowley Jordan Mechner's The Last Express had some fascinating ideas in the way of how time works in a typical puzzle game so I wanted to develop rediscover her roots.  Please do not deviate any further from the pre-approved question list.

What's the gameplay like?
I'm glad you asked.  Players can perform as hideous corpse-like terribly animated models of Miley or Hannah to 11 soulless hit songs, including five practically identical new songs from the film, in six different uninspired concert venues. In the completely tedious performance mode, players launch what we creepily refer to as signature dance moves and jam with band members on the drums, guitar and keyboard. In story mode, they explore Miley's basically empty hometown of Crowley Corners to help family and friends complete bullshit fetch quests around town. Players can select outfits seen in the movie for Hannah and Miley or create and customize unique outfits for Hannah. Hannah's tour bus, including the bedroom, closet and make-up area, can be customized to suit players and that pathetic garbage is how we claim to be" sparking" player imaginations.  Did I already say the mobile shit was out?  Parentheses Laughs parentheses.

So where can we learn more about your game?
You know, there's a great pub downtown on Market street, I think you can probably walk there from the Aquarium.  They have these Reuben Rolls.  So Fucking Addictive.  And they just soak up a Sam Adams like the dickens.  I force every hotel to make them for me.  I put 'em on my rider.  You gotta try them, dude.  Let's go.

More information can be found at www.hannahmontanavideogames.com.

About Disney Interactive Studios Disney Interactive Studios, part of Disney Interactive Media Group, is the interactive entertainment affiliate of The Walt Disney Company (NYSE: DIS).

Disney Interactive Studios self publishes and distributes a broad portfolio of multi-platform video games, mobile games and interactive entertainment worldwide. The company also licenses properties and works directly with other interactive game publishers to bring products for all ages to market. Disney Interactive Studios is based in Glendale, California, and has internal development studios around the world. For more information, log on to http://www.disneyinteractivestudios.com.

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

GDC 2009: Those Two Guys From The First Zelda Commercial Keynote Liveblog

9:27 - Just chilling here in the North Hall.  The show should be starting any moment now.

9:32 - Masaya Maatsura just passed me and his girlfriend is as flat as a parrapa character if you know what I mean. ;)

9:35 - They're playing the original commerical, the rap starts and a funky breakbeat comes in behind them, then the two dudes walk out on stage wearing "grownup" versions of the classic 80's outfits to wild applause.  awesome.

9:41 - Their names are actually Matt and Tobias.  They actually went to the same arts high school in Los Angeles.   the comme,rcial got them picked on constantly.

9:43 - they never really had a lot in common, matt (who played the "nerdier" kid) was ironically more or a jock. while tobias really was into video games

9:55 - Short History of Rap in Zelda Commercials retrospective including Link's Awakening rap and the weird japanese Link to the Past Rap

9:58 - They met again at a party in 2007 and are starting a nerdcore rap group called Straight Outta Hyrule.  Wild cheering.  They're about to do a number

10:07 - technical prolems messed up the music, but they are leading the audience in an impromptu clap beat.  dylan cuthbert claps on the 1s and 3s

10:13 - Link cosplay/dancer chicks have come out and are tearing it up.  the musics back up, but the songs are all pretty awful, though.

10:20 - I can't believe how long this one song is going the beats are all terrible.  everyone is getting really uncomfortable. 

10:27 - Oh, God.  They have a song about the war in Afghanistan.  Octoroks are doing a Debbie Allen style dramatic interpretation of the atrocities of the Taliban.  what is real anymore?

10:32 - People are starting to try and awkwardly file out.  Ocarina of Time footage is strobing all over the room.  I think I'm having an epileptic seizure.

10:48 - MAtt and Tobias are rolling around on the floor squealing.  The music has degraded into some chiptune nightmare.  i'm one of about ten people still in the room.  i have no idea if these dudes are trying to be andy kaufman or tim and eric or what.

10:53 - Straight Outta Hyrule is being escorted out by security.  The cosplay girls are screaming "No Justice.  No Peace."  It's finally over.  I have no idea what to believe in.  The video clips from this are going to be internet memes for the next five years.  God bless this country.

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Sonic Beyond: The Battle for Earth - Demo Preview

Last week, I was selected as one of a few members of the gaming press to get a VIP pass to a short preview build of Sonic Team's newest Action RPG offering Sonic Beyond: The Battle for Earth.

After the requisite logos and disclaimers, a short Anime sequence began, featuring Sonic and his many (many) friends in different locales around the globe smashing up robots to the strains of a blazing hot electro remix of the Crush 40 tune "Open Your Heart".  I wasn't 100% sure whether the multitude of members in Sonic's Technicolor Army were actual characters from his long-running game series or custom characters from SB:TBFE, but one thing was for sure, these furballs meant business!  Definitely a treat and probably second only to the exciting Sonic Unleashed intro for sheer wow factor (The animation was done by Manglobe, the guys behind Samurai Champloo).

After navigating the rather slick menu system, I dove right in to character creation.  High-level creation begins by choosing the kind of critter that you want to use to fight Dr. Eggman's army.  You can pick from a wide variety of Mammals, Birds, Lizards, and Insects (Sonic Team promises that Fish, Amphibians, and Hero Robots are coming soon).  Once you decide what animal best suits your fancy, you have a nice selection of ages and builds to pick from, followed by a surprisingly large number of haircuts (furcuts?), and dozens of colors and patterns for skin and eyes.  I decided to resurrect my old fan character Lady SummerSpines, a golden hedgehog with a heart to match (a few of you may remember her from the old forum RPG on the now defunct Daily Mobian website).  After you've finalized your base creature, you have the option to pick two character classes from a pool of Mechanic, Mystic, Speedster, Sharpshooter, and Warrior.  I decided to stick with the classic Speedster/Warrior in the vein of Sonic.  The clothing options were quite robust, at or above the level of a Tony Hawk game.  There are dozens upon dozens of accessories to personalize your characters.  I decided to deck Lady SummerSpines out in an 80s ensemble with hot pink kicks, leg warmers, a headband, and a cute half shirt.  Lastly, I named her and gave her an appropriately chirpy voice.  All in all, I think you could make almost any kind of platformer mascot that you could conjure up, from Felix the Cat to Fritz the Cat.

Once the game began proper, a short cutscene showed me starting my first day at Sonic's Super Fast Delivery Service, working for a rather harried Amy Rose, who served as a secretary and recruiter.  Unfortunately, there were a lot of low-res textures and framerate issues at this point which was a little distracting.  Amy walked me through a short tutorial in the form of a VR simulator that Tails had built (hooked up to a Dreamcast!) which showed me the basics of combat and platforming.  I struggled with the mouse and keyboard controls for a bit before giving in and switching over to my trusty 360 gamepad (which the game was nice enough to auto-config).  

The game essentially controls like a cross between the classic Psygnosis racer Rollcage and Crash Bandicoot.  The feel is is much tighter than previous Sonic titles and the engine actually seems to generally handle loops and curves with actual physics instead of scripted events.  There were still a few too many dash pads and rails for my taste, but I actually managed to get through the whole tutorial (which had a rather complex architecture) without any camera problems.  Combat was pretty intuitive as well.  I had the option to jump on the heads of badniks in the traditional manner, but with contextual controls I was also able to perform special moves like zooming around them to make a whirlwind, jumping between them with some neat acrobatic moves, or even disarming them and blasting them with their own weapons.  Once I completed the tutorial, an 8-bit chiptune version of the classic "act complete" music played and I was whisked back into the real world.

Amy was impressed with my skills and gave me a special package that had to be delivered to a new Sonic Museum that was opening across town in seven minutes.  She equipped me with a special watch that gave me a countdown and a radar screen to tell me my destination and I was shoved out the door.  

After a (too long) loading screen, I found Lady SummerSpines on a rooftop at night in the center of a bustling urban center.  A JUSTICE-style bloghouse track pulsed in the background and a disembodied voice counted me down.  I was off!  From the start, the impressive draw distance actually let me see a few miles out beyond the edge of the city to the waterfall where my quest log told me the museum was located.  The city itself was a gorgeous affair, sort of a "clean" Brazilian favela meets Hill Valley 2015 with a flat shaded pastel look that really seemed like a living painting.  The running was dynamic and well executed and there were very few limits to what I could run or jump on.  You could tell where the stage was trying to funnel me in the right direction, but going backwards or any direction I wanted was actually accomplished pretty easily and without camera headaches.  I went down to the street level just to see what would happen and (despite a little pop-in) there was actual traffic and clusters of people and furries going about their business in the city.  It was pretty natural to bounce off of street signs and telephone wires like a pinball and go right into a grind or a wallrun.  You can even blow up the skirts of pedestrians if you're going fast enough.  The buildings unfortunately, were mostly non-enterable facades, though in running about, I did blast through an outdoor mall and some rooftop greenhouse gardens. 

Every minute or so I would run into a squad of G.U.N. police bots which were fairly easily dispatched.  I had the option to stick to standard Sonic moves but there were a lot of nifty ways to take out the little buggers.  For instance, if you time it just right, you can hop onto the back of a mini tankbot and ride it like a skateboard into a wall or crash the flying drones into a flagpole or even use the whirlwind attack on a fire hydrant to blast an enemy with water.  There is also auto-taunting when your character finishes a particularly complex combo attack;  Lady SummerSpines did a few cute ballet flourishes and stuck out her tongue at the metal husks of the bad guys she defeated.  I can easily see the potential of this engine for creating lots of procedurally generated versions of the faux-cinematic sequences from the Sonic Adventure series.

With a few minutes to spare, I was zooming out of the city limits and into the countryside.  The music track made a nice seamless change into a kind of funky ukulele beat.  Flowers swayed nicely in my breeze and just the sound of the grass crushing underfoot was really nice.  I went over a ridge and saw a small crowd waiting in front of building with a statue of Sonic.  I sped down to them and the Mission Complete screen appeared.  Apparently my performance was good enough for an "S" rank!

The crowd separated in half and the man (well, hedgehog) himself walked up to me.  I handed him the parcel and he gave me a fist bump.  He told me what a good job I did and opened the package.  Inside was a bottle of mustard.  He reached behind himself, pulled out a chili-dog from some sort of crevice, and squirted the condiment on top.  "Hard to work on an empty stomach" he said, winking at me.  Lady SummerSpines did a cartoony faint and Sonic went up to a small stage.  He made a short inspirational speech and went to cut the ribbon.  Suddenly, an anchor fell from the sky and exploded the Museum into shards.  It was Dr. Robotnik in a city sized airship.  He mocked Sonic over a P.A. System and said he was claiming this land for himself.  Sonic was furious.  He looked over to me and asked if I was ready for my next job.  Lady SummerSpines nodded and the two ran up the anchor together and the game freeze framed into a makeshift comic book splash page.  The demo ended.

Overall, Sonic Beyond seems like a very impressive effort.  The Sega Rep who was showing me the ropes assured me that Sonic Team had listened to fan complaints from other games and despite the change in genre, this game would stay true to Sonic's 16-bit roots.  If they can work out some of the niggling technical hiccups and polish up the gameplay, we could be looking at a serious Game Of The Year contender.

I rate this demo a solid 7.5.

Monday, February 9, 2009

The Top 10 Indie Games of 2008

10.  Ducky Joe in Cooool Beans

This little number from Sweden stole the top prize at the IGF for most innovative use of jumping.  It's kind of like a regular platformer except with a little bit of a physics twist.  Check the barrels!

9. Holy Shit: What a Couple of Ducks!

In this traditional platformer you can manipulate your ghost backwards through time for maximum grappling hook tricks.  Bogus!

8. Duck World 2: The Legend of the Ruby Wings

In this NES style platformer, you can stick to a wall like a bug or maybe the ceiling!  Lookout badguys here come the judge!

7. Ducktor Frankenstein and Mrs. Dash

Just in time for Latin Hertitage Month comes this sweet hop and bop with a twist.  You have a Legendary Ruby Ring which allows you to graplle onto enemies and platforms for maximum damage which a realistic physics system.  Lookout Inafking.  This trio of lovely game design mistresses ain't cutting you no slack.

5. Duckington's Temple: An Elegy of Blood

What if there was a platform game with a twist?  Jump between multiple layers using the unique Excelica system to dodge enemies and collect secret eggs.  Looks like Duck on Duck crime is just getting started.

4.  Sweet Lord, There's A Duck in Your Pants DX

A 21st century take on the classic platform game, SLTADIYPDX lets you control the temprature of platforms to freeze or melt them.  I would probably live inside of this game if I could.

3. I Was A Teen-Aged Duck

This tricky side-scroller is a little bit like the 2D games of yesteryear, but with a twist.  Every coin you collect donates real life money to a child in Darfur.  Also you can reverse a ghost of yourself back in time to flip switches.

2.  Braid 2: Ducks on Patrol

Jonathan Blow's sequel to his classic hit is all about platforming action.  But things are not quite what they seem in this peaceful village because some jackass keeps messing with the Dark World/Light World mechanic when everybodys just trying to get to sleep.  What a day to be a duck!

1. Strategy Ducks: No Kissin' On The Lips

Whoa Nellie, does this iPhone classic hop and bop has a secret.  This first part is just like Super Mario Bros 1-1, but then the game you are playing is actually another game inside of a game and you have to fight the designer who is also your dad who left you years ago, but he has merged with the game to become pure code and in the end is it you who are truly being played?  This shit is meta as fuuuuuuck.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Press Release: Blast Processing Entertainment Introduces a New Generation to it's Classics

Since the company was founded in 1991, Blast Processing Entertainment has been a creative trailblazer and today, the company remains on the bleeding edge of virtual electronic techno finger-games. By drawing talent from diverse fields such as phrenology, Szechuan cuisine, roller derby event coordination, volunteer firefighting, and computers along with contributions from some of (B)ollywood’s greatest talent, BPE uses technology and smartness to create America’s Most Blazing Hot Games™.

Our expansive gaming library includes worldwide sports blockbusters like Mutant League Curling, 4D Paper Football, and Ray Romano’s Slam Dunk Challenge. In addition, BPE has the exclusive rights to publish video games based on hit entertainment properties including Herman and Katnip, Theodore Rex, Hanna-Barbera’s The New Schmoo, Robot Jox, and Sally Jesse Raphael. We also offer a diverse selection of original intellectual properties such as Antebellum Cotillion Ball Tycoon, Who Dat Giantess, All Out of Nickels, and Cat Maker. We have recently entered the MMORPG space with the virtual world of Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper Online.

Now everyone will have a chance to experience our glorious history with Blast Processing Entertainment's Classics Collection Museum Volume One, a three game compilation of some of our greatest works:

A League of Their Own Baseball for Super Famicom is a classic game based on the hit movie with one to five player simultaneous excitement! Personally programmed by director Penny Marshall, ALOTOB contains precise pitching, bullseye batting, and awesome fielding. With dozens of exciting features, ALOTOB brings to life the history of the All-American Girls Professional Baseball League in true Digisurroundo™ stereo sound. It’s like Rosie O’Donnell is yelling right in your ear!

In the year 2035, the white race is dying out and they’ll stop at nothing to keep their vice-like grip on America’s power structure. It’s up to everyone’s favorite typing teacher Mavis Beacon to assassinate an elite cabal of conservative talk radio hosts, crooked televangelists, and military profiteers. Luckily, she has a host of cybernetic enhancements to help her along the way. Enjoy thirty six levels of run and gun action as you go deeper into The White Conspiracy™ and reclaim this country in the name of the people. Are you a bad enough bitch to assassinate the President?

Travel through time with Baby Kermly and the gang as they search for a suitable head for their government appointed caretaker Nanny. Find out the secret of Kubla Khan’s Tomb, defeat Nazi robots, and learn all about the Candadian Revolution in stunning redbook audio. Do you have the guts to take on H.G. Wells™ himself?

Blast Processing Entertainment (BPE) is South Dakota’s leading independent developer and publisher of interactical entertainment software for PC and advanced console systems such as Panasonic 3DO Interactive Multiplayer, Nintendo Virtual Boy, Apple Bandai Pippin, and Fujistu FM Towns Marty.

Monday, November 10, 2008

VidBlast 000: Clarissa Explains It All

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